Thursday, June 14, 2012

If it's not broke, don't fix it. FOR MY DAD(2)

I had originally wrote this as a guest writer for my dads(2) blog but it would not upload. So I will post it here for all to see and read. If you know me, you'll know I lean towards the side of sarcastic. In case you don't, a heads up, I'm WILDY sarcastic. Plus, when it comes to my family, my friends, and my dog, I'm equally as protective. I feel that drawing upon both my writing takes on more of a fighting style. I mean no offense to anyone or any certain perspective. Besides, a little satire never hurt anyone (anyone ever heard of Jonathan Swift? If not, he's BRILLIANT). This is just my take on things and how I see. I LOVE you all and please be well. And you know that individual you see everywhere who seems to be alone all the time? I challenge you to talk to them today. 

Want to know the cope out every great writer uses in order to get their ideas flowing? Start by looking up 
the definitions of the words your ideas are headed towards. You can even define them within your article because often times it makes you sound smart and educated. If anyone asks though, you didn’t hear it from me. As I was wandering through my mind looking for something to write about as the guest blogger on my dads(2) blog today, I decided to check out what dictionary thought about the word family. I think that everyone can agree that dictionary is pretty unbiased and non-denominational. According to dictionary, a family is “a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children.” It also said that a family is “a group of people living under one household.” Interested in where this was taking me, I turned towards the word parent. A parent is “a protector or guardian.”

And THERE you have it! Not even so much of a mention of the words husband or wife. I checked all the loop holes and even according to a source as simple as a dictionary it does not say a family is limited to a man, a woman, and their resulted offspring. Granted, if you looked at a dictionary in the 60’s it probably talked about the nuclear family—a man, a woman, and their 2.5 kids. However, it also talked about the proper steps to take when being attacked by nuclear warfare. We can obviously see how well that turned out. Nowadays, we know if we get hit with an atomic bomb, the only thing left will be the cockroaches. So why was it so easy to change our views about mushrooms clouds and why is it so hard to change our views about the fundamental workings of a family?

I’m sure we can all agree that, despite the varying types of rocks, they all have common characteristics that classify them as rocks. They are all hard to some degree. They are made of minerals and come from the ground. They hurt when you throw them at people. I know it’s a long stretch to compare a rock to a family but I’m trying to make it easier for people to see my reasoning. Although I’m pretty sure if I picked up my brother and threw him at someone it wouldn’t feel too great for the person on the receiving end. Some rocks are big, some are small, some are shiny, some are dull, and they come in many different colors. Wouldn’t it be unheard of to look at obsidian, for example, and say, “Oh I’m sorry. You’re a wee bit shinier than all the other rocks so… we’re kicking you out.” It has the essentials of being a rock and yet because it is different it can be considered by some to be something else. What else could it be?? It’d be a pretty bizarre flower. Next time you upset your significant other, be sure to bring them a pile of rocks and tell me how it goes.

These people that declare that a gay couple cannot have a family… what else do they assume them to be? A mass gathering of people that just HAPPEN to look out for each other? Even dictionary says a family is a group of people living under one household. I guess it just depends on your personal definition of a family. Do you look to the Bible for your definition? Do you look to the dictionary? Do you abandon all definitions and look to the side of love? I hope for the sake of the greater good we can answer with D) All of the above.

I understand those who define their family by the Bible. There are many strong biblical families and it’s a great foundation for some. I respect those who define their family by the dictionary. Above all, I adore those who define their family based on love. Love should be the core value of a family. Therefore, unless you find a family with the EXACT same people as yours leading the EXACT same lives, do not hold other families to the same values as yours. What works for you will not work for others. I don’t expect you to agree with the workings within every family. If it’s not what you believe in I wouldn’t want to condemn your way of life anymore than I would want you to condemn someone else’s. But if you can at least recognize that their family is one built on love and trust then what does it matter? We’re focusing so much attention on assuming the family is made of a man and a woman that we’re forgetting that a family is made on love. What about those children who are living in a situation where there is no love and there is no trust? All these laws and all this money and all this effort being put forth by our politicians could be put towards a more noble cause but we’re devoted to protecting marriage because some assume it can only be between a man and a woman.

Marriage is a multi-faceted concept. Yes, some get married because of love. However, some get married because of circumstance. Some get married because of their parents. Some get married because of their religion. Some get married because the condom broke. Any cases of gay couples getting married because the condom broke?? It is a rare circumstance when a gay couple does not get married for a reason other than love. When they start building their family, it is because they want a family. Would you deny a child a family just because you assume their parentage is immoral? Yes, so let’s leave them in foster care or an orphanage just because someone can’t get over what they read during scripture study.

Family is changing. I’m not just talking about gay couples. What about single parent families? Children being raised by grandparents or aunts and uncles or older brothers and sisters? Times are changing. People are changing. Why is our way of thinking taking so long to change?

Please know that I don’t expect everyone to suddenly take up a rainbow flag, hit up gay day at Disneyland, and fully embrace this new and upcoming lifestyle. What I do expect is respect. If there’s something you disagree with that is okay. If there’s something you don’t understand that is okay too. Just know that your way is not the right way for everyone and it is possible to live simultaneously with someone who does things a little differently. In order for life to be colorful, there has to be all types of colors. Remember in art class when you’d overmix your colors with fervor and they’d end up the color of barf? Mix them together side by side and they create something beautiful. Let’s live side by side. Color to color.

I was raised by a gay couple. No I don’t feel neglected. No I don’t do drugs. No I’m not crazy. Well, I’m kind of crazy but only the good kind of crazy. I feel supported in everything I do. I’m going to college for a bachelors in journalism and a minor in creative writing. I pay my bills like everyone else. I volunteer at the soup kitchen and put together backpacks for kids who go home hungry. I bake cookies for people who beg on the street corners. I give EVERYONE a chance regardless of my snap judgments. So to be honest, I think I ended up on top BECAUSE I was raised by both a loving gay couple and a mother who taught me well. I was showered in love and support. I feel so secure in myself I started a  blog :P which was my Ron’s idea by the way…. I’m so happy and I hate to think of other people missing out on being happy just because of circumstance, prejudice, or a worn-out way of thinking. Regardless of whether you’re for or against, pro or con, red or blue, purple or yellow, shiny or dull, remember that standing on the other end of the trench is someone just like you and if you give them a chance you may actually be able to live side by side peacefully <3


  1. Love love love love love this!!! YOU ROCK Shalese!! And your Dads ROCK!!

  2. Totally enjoyed reading! Thank you so much for taking the time and courage to write this.