Feminism is not a matter of choosing between domestic housewife or climbing the corporate ladder. Feminism is not choosing between having a family or a one bedroom apartment with your cat. Feminism is not choosing between Beyoncé or Betty Crocker. 

Feminism is about having a choice. It is many things in that it is one thing, and that is women deciding what life means to them and what they are going to do with it. 

Visiting the doctor makes me so mad anymore.  

What good is the power of modern medicine if it comes at the cost of thousands of dollars? 

Might as well be the Middle Ages for the good it'll do some people. You're bound to be bled dry and leeched on either way. 

Let's start a GoFundMe for Justin Bieber so he can finally afford a pair of glasses and stop squinting all the time. 

Given that the stuff I learned in biology 101 is stuff commonly argued amongst politicians and influential leaders alike really proves we need people educated in more than just law to run our country. 

Two very popular songs that claim to be about empowering women are really just about accepting your body if men accept it too. 

"He don't want none if you ain't got buns, hun."

"Guys want more booty to hold at night."

I call your bluff ladies. Also, referring to other women as skinny bitches is in no way uplifting or supportive of other women. We shouldn't have to tear people down to build other people up. Back to the drawing board ... 

Whatever you do, DON'T watch the new Jlo music video. 

"Show us on the doll where she touched you." 

Do you think Snowden knew what U2 was up to? 

Seeking out relationship advice from a Facebook page is like relying on a fortune cookie for important future business decisions. 

When did problem solving skills turn into throwing yourself a pity party? 

Why is it our government has a hard time investing in it's people? Especially when it makes more sense. 

Want to adopt? That's going to cost you thousand of dollars. We'd rather shuttle those kids through the system and pay more in the long run. Not to mention the impact that a lack of stability will have on those children's mental health. 

Want to go to college? That's going to mean thousands of dollars of debt that you're going to have to pay back, regardless of if you find a job or not. We prefer a stupid, uneducated population that makes poor decisions. 

So apparently you must believe in God to join a section of the military, a God that technically says don't kill people. Unless we are talking about the Old Testament version of God, who may say don't kill but also justifies himself in killing the poor man who steadied the arc, saying the word of God was already steady enough..... No wonder people are confused.

 And we are going OVERSEAS to fight religious zealots? Can't really fight religious fanatics when we tolerate religious fundamentalists at home.

What would young adult fiction be without a pathetic plot line driven by irrational teen romance? 

Nonexistent. That's what it would be. 

I'm tired of all these weak, insecure female protagonists in need of saving by some big man meat. 

Can flashcrackfriday be a thing? 

OMG, like hashtag. 

How did people deal with their issues before it was possible to throw a tantrum on Facebook? 

What came first, Facebook or the issues? 

"A call for revolution wrapped in the clothing of rationality." 

Some wolves we can trust. Some we can't. Either way, they're all wearing the same thing. 

... That would be sheep clothing, for those of you who didn't understand the reference. 

They're talking about shutting down the government AGAIN?? 

Seriously, when did politics become nothing more than hostage tactics? 

I feel like people who assume you need to take yourself seriously to be a parent really don't understand kids.

Like, have you met kids before? They run around naked, wear their underwear on their head, unknowingly blame their farts on you when in public, and lift up your skirt so they can wear it on their head while giving the neighbors a free show. 

If I can raise my children to be successful adults while still maintaining the awe and carefree wonder of a child, that will be enough. Let them be little and don't get mad when they throw up in your mouth. 

I've said multiple times how much I enjoy the use of satire as a platform for bringing about change. People are generally stubborn and don't appreciate being told they are wrong. It's that "show me, don't tell me mentality". 

Plus it works for me because I'm generally a sarcastic asshole. 

But what I can't understand, what shouldn't need satire, what deserves our complete respect, and shouldn't even be a question is our soldiers. 

The men and women who fight and have fought for this country deserve better. 

"My child no longer enjoys school. Now it's hard!" 

No worries. The fancy Mcdonalds computer will do all the math for them! 

There seems to be an awful lot of people running around proclaiming "God Wills It!" 

Let's do the time wrap again. 

What's next, the Bubonic Plague?? 

... shit 

Hopefully sending in the National Guard will help alleviate the Ferguson situation. 

You know, the guys that are actually military, that have trained extensively in the use of military equipment and how to engage civilians, and not just a police force playing dress up for the day? 

Do you remember when Americans flocked to the cause of banning the dog eating festival in China? Now, I'm not saying I'd EVER eat dog ... but I'm pretty sure if Nepal and India asked us to stop eating cow because bovine is considered sacred to them ... they'd be told to get fucked. 

Just because we have a big stick doesn't mean we get to call the shots for everyone else. Respect is respect. Sure would be shitty if foreign countries could pull that whole "religious freedom" card and start asking for special favors. But they'd again then be told to get fucked because this county is built by god fearing Christians damn it! Only they get religious freedom. 

Before Facebook, how did we ever know people loved each other or enjoyed life?  

When people look back at what was accomplished by the human race in 2014, I hope it goes beyond finding out what lipstick Kylie Jenner wears. 

Turns out you really can't have your cake and eat it too. Which means religious equality is religious equality.

Go Satan. 

You can't tell a religious person "no" because they merely view it as persecution from the oppressor that renews their efforts to keep trying. It's like a hydra ... Cut off one head and two grow back. 

Which is why religion needs to stay out of politics or we'll be chasing our tails until the cows come home. 

If someone was wearing a shirt that said "Murder Me!" and they ended up being murdered, no one would question if it was the victims fault--if the victim wanted it, was acting inappropriately, or was walking home alone.

So if clothes have nothing to do with crime, why is inappropriate sexual advances and, ultimately, rape justifiable by "what she was wearing"? Not to mention women get shit no matter what they're wearing. Taylor Swift (don't really appreciate some of her lyrics but the example serves) performed in jeans and a black turtle neck and headlines were made regarding her "body hugging black outfit". 

For hells sake .. 

"Why the short blog posts, Shalese? They use to be so long!" 

Well, there were the Greeks and then there were the Trojans... As in, just like the last Trojan horse I was tricked into trusting such a contraption that ended up sending enemy soldiers into my home base.

My boyfriend and I are expecting a little baby girl in September. 

So honestly, much of my free time is spent fighting off bitter traditionalists who feel like my bare ring finger has something to do with my ability to raise a child with a man I am committed to in all sense of the word without ever requiring a visit to this Jared guy everyone keeps talking about.

Not like I need a fancy paper signed by some God and government (both of which I have a hard time believing in at times because no one knows what it is they actually do anymore) to show that I am capable of raising a child. No more than an individual with an oriental last name can prove he's good at math. 

"I'm almost convinced, with how hard you're staring, that an engagement ring is actually just going to appear on my finger! After you're done, you should try my ears. I prefer studs. And remember, I don't like diamonds unless they're black."

Driverless cars don't kill people! Cars kill people!

Doesn't make sense? Yeah well, neither does the original. 

I feel like refusing refuge to immigrant children is inhumane at BEST. 

At worse, it's a testament to the "white man's" long-running, convoluted feelings of superiority and elitism regarding all other races and cultures. 

When America worked over the first European settlers, it was the Native Americans who made sure it was possible for the Puritan way of life to exist outside of Europe. Their humanitarian efforts were met with fake treaties, smallpox epidemics, and the stripping away of their identity in the hopes that they could be converted to Christianity. Now, they struggle to keep their culture and traditions alive while living in poverty on lands given to them by the oh so generous government (is giving someone land that's technically theirs actually generous though? They had first dibs, yo.) 

Even before the Puritans, Europeans were touching down in lands close to ours and wreaking havoc to what was a wealthy, thriving culture (Cortez in Central America anyone?) 

And the hell we put African Americans through? We basically told them they weren't even completely human, and that we were above them. Then forced them to come to our land and work for us. 

It's like we've swirled around our fingers in everyone else's pies while our own is under high security, guarded by red necks with assault rifles and beer bellies who like to pass the time by shooting at Pepsi cans. 

I understand the argument, "but then we'd have to champion humanitarian campaigns for all struggling children." For awhile there I was hung up on such a refute because it's true. Why these children? But you want to know why? Because they're asking for help, damn it. Nowhere else is singing the praise of America and I bet if you started reading international news outlets you'd see foreign countries don't hold us in high respect anyways and would likely prefer we stay out. 

But not these children. They are knocking at our door, asking for help. Isn't there some analogy about Jesus knocking on a door without a knob, asking to be let in? Think about it. 

I don't even think I'd watch a show about Sarah Palin if she were the one paying me!

Unless maybe of course I got the chance to see Russia. 

I encourage those of us using the "baited" blog post to come up with something that's actually creative. It's a trending movement that has become a sell-out for tacky cheesers. 

"I'm married... But I'm also dating someone." (Surprise it's my wife!) 

"I watched my daughters birth and I no longer believe in God." (Now I know God!) 

I quit giving in to baited blog posts after that ... But I'm sure the one about the parent who doesn't encourage her children to share is just titillating. 

When did Facebook become a outlet for holding people accountable? I feel like I have to watch everything I do just so some bitch isn't complaining about it on her Facebook. 

"Oh my god, so this girl was laughing so loud...." 

"Honestly, who fills in their eyebrows like that?" 

"You'll never guess what this idiot said..." 

"Watch your children! Damn!" 

Has Honey Boo Boo turned us into a generation that enjoys hearing about stupid people's faults and mistakes? Shit people ... Have some sympathy maybe? We have all had our fair share of bad eyebrow days... Or is that just me? 

If we looked around and took note of all the stereotypes and slurs involving political parties, we would see why politics get away with half the shit they do. 

Don't like the government right now? Then quit wasting your energy on all your witty comebacks against those "dirty liberals" and "bigot conservatives" on Facebook and do something that will actually result in change. 

Life is too short to take yourself seriously. There's so many things nowadays that can kill us so we might as well not let stress be one of them. 

So laugh at fart jokes, be loud in public, pee yourself while drunk at least once, grab your lovers ass despite who's around, and laugh off the fact your roommate heard you having wild sex on your 21st birthday. 

Once More, With Feeling

If you say you don't want people to have sex on your dime, are you aware that Viagra is completely paid for by insurance? Or is that not the real issue here ... Not to mention everything else we don't have a choice in paying for ... like war. That's kind of how taxes work. 

If you say women should not be having sex, are you aware birth control also helps with acne, hormone imbalances, heavy menstrual flow, painful menstrual cramps, irregular or non-existing menstrual cycles, and never ending menstrual periods due to iron deficiencies? Or is that not the real problem here.. Not to mention no one ever questions men having sex. Ever. 

If you don't want women in control of when they choose to start a family due to your religious beliefs, then I guess that's cool. Nothing like giving and supporting men in their ability to impregnate whomever they want, willing or not willing, ready or not ready, while simultaneously forcing women to carry out their pregnancy like a scarlet letter in a country that provides mediocre benefits at best to pregnant women (the United States is the only industrialized country to deny women paid maternity leave as well as expecting them to squeeze out a watermelon through something the size of a lemon and be to work in six weeks). Good for you. 

Vocabulary Corner

Do you ever read the news and find yourself thinking, "what does that mean?" Well, look no further! Here we will discuss five simple vocabulary words that will help you get through those tricky news article! Let's begin! 

Obama: (n) the current and first African American president of the United States; Secret love child of communism and Islam; SATAN 

Liberal: (n) a term used to describe a democrat; a curse word that is not polite but proves you really know your stuff when used in the company of Conservatives; SATAN 

Planned Parenthood: (n) a health center meant to screen for breast cancer, teach safe sex, provide people with condoms and birth control at a discounted price, and provide medical visits at a discounted price; MURDERERS; SATAN 

Birth Control: (n) a prescription given to women to assist in family planning, control ovarian cysts, regulate menstrual cycles, control cramping and heavy flow, and regulate hormones which can benefit those with acne; A METHOD USED BY SLUTTY SLUT WOMEN TO HAVE ALL THE NASTY SEX THEY WANT; SATAN 

Guns: (n) a firearm used for hunting and self defense; NO WAY DID SHE MENTION GUNS? I BET THAT MEANS SHE WANTS TO TAKE THEM AWAY FROM US! DIRTY OBAMA LOVING LIBERAL SLUT! 

Now you can go out into the world and understand what these people are really saying. Carry on. 

Passing judgement is like dancing in quick sand. You begin assuming you've taken the lead due to your feelings of superiority when really you're sinking just as fast. 

If you're fighting a "peaceful" revolution against judgement and anger using judgement and anger, what are you really accomplishing? 

Why is it that corporations are given more rights as people than actual people? 

If Your Hobby Includes Sex, You're Screwed

I didn't step aside when the Saints were accused of getting paid to injure other players, or when Drew Brees pitched a rightful fit when he didn't get paid enough. And I'm certainly not going to falter in my support for the Supreme Court when they make a decision I don't agree with. I've been quoted to say time and time again that they make the decisions we don't want to or don't have the enlightenment to make for ourselves. Given their past decisions regarding human rights, I won't say I wasn't surprised. But you won't see me resorting to play ground tactics to express my disagreement. 

I do not envy the role the Supreme Court has to play in society. I can say with a certainty that my shoulders could not bear the weight of a black robe (and my horrible grade in Biology due to my limited attention span regarding classes that feel unnecessary would make law school almost impossible). We all think we know what is right for America, but if some of us can't even get out and vote, I highly doubt we could make such difficult life altering decisions. There is obviously heavy disagreement within the court itself regarding this issue, and I don't think the fault lies entirely in the hands of the Supreme Court anyways. 

I don't think America was ready to handle this issue quite yet. Of course, that isn't the goal the Supreme Court has in mind when they make their decisions (did you see Idaho when same-sex marriage made headway? They were definitely not ready for that.) but allow me to explain myself further. 

This may be the 21st century but women's rights has stalled somewhere within the 18th. The biggest argument against birth control right now seems to be, "I shouldn't have to pay for your naughty sex games, you slutty slut slut. That's what you do on your dime, not mine." But often times when an argument has no validity, it won't hold up when viewed in another light. So if people are squeamish about what goes on in the bedroom because Jesus said it was bad, why is their no issue regarding Viagra and other erectile dysfunction drugs? Their ONLY purpose is so that men can bump uglies after only twenty or so minutes of popping that purple pill. Obviously the issue doesn't stop at being a prude if men can have sex all they want while women having sex is an infringment upon religious rights. 

Let's examine the issue further by looking at what birth control also does. While Viagra may serve one single purpose, birth control serves many. While controlling birth may be the obvious one, it also controls heavy flow, iron deficiencies (which results in a never ending period if let undiagnosed), heavy cramping, irregular cycles or no cycle at all, and ovarian cysts which hurt like hell and can cause health complications when they burst, quite like your appendix. People seem to turn a convenient blind eye to these issues that can be life altering and life threatening if left to their own devices. But again, an invalid argument has a snowballs chance in hell when held up in a different light. 

So what's the difference? Is it merely because women have had to fight so hard for rights that men enjoy every day? Is if because we are not actually squeamish when it comes to sex and actually want to equip men with a stronger gun so it can result in tons and tons of babies? Why the obsession with having babies, when women who aren't ready are less likely to be able to provide for their children than those who have waited until they could endure loads of doctors bills and poopy baby bums. I'd rather give women the means to wait until they are ready instead of carrying out their pregnancy like a scarlet letter and falling under of the struggle of being a parent. 

So remember, enough with the stupid memes and name calling when it comes to the Supreme Court. The fault isn't entirely theirs and is obviously an issue humankind has fought since the beginning. When it comes to womens rights, we still have a long way to go. So offer your positive support to those who are trying to make a change and support. If you teach women they shouldn't enjoy sex, they will likely fake it, and you might end up popping that Viagra since you're embarrassed by your incompetency. Good luck with that boner that lasts longer than three hours! 

When did it become so cool to hate things? If you've got time to hate on things like the shape of someone's eyebrows, a cell phone brand, someone's religion or lifestyle, or the way someone is parking their car then perhaps it's time to find a hobby. 

Less Glamorous Gatsby

When it comes to those who make claim they are going to "lock and load" against the government, I don't know who to fear more--them or the government. To disagree with the government is democracy, given not everyone ever gets their way 100% (but don't tell Republican Congress that...). But to disagree with the "lock and loaders" generally results in broken knee caps, if history serves me correctly. 

Due to negative media, many members of the LDS faith have taken to the blogosphere to voice their concerns. Concerns that are a little bit ... Concerning. 

If you have yet to read any of these posts, it is likely you are not Facebook friends with anyone of the LDS faith. I encourage you to seek these blogs out and make your own opinions. Given that I grew up in Idaho and over half the people I know and associate with are LDS, I have gotten my fair share. 

It would appear many are upset with the negative media garnered from the movement to ordain women. Understandably so, given that this issue causes for much doubt and confusion to members and non-members alike. What concerns me is the response of these particular individuals in how to approach such issues. 

"Conceal, don't feel, don't let them see..." 

(I've seen that movie one time and yet somehow I know all the freaking lyrics.. It haunts me in my dreams and apparently even my personal blog posts aren't safe...)

What these bloggers are asking is that any issues members have with the church, please keep them between yourself and God in order to avoid losing the interest of potential members. 

Doesn't that sound a little bit cult-ish to you? Because it sure does to me. Personally, I would feel more disinterest after reading this kind of material than I would seeing the process those women have gone through to question their role in the church. 

"Aye man, I know you're uncomfortable with how we do around here, but you gotta keep that shit on lock because we need more people in our gang... I mean group." 

I don't think this message serves well for the LDS faith who is already struggling to keep a positive light in spite of negative media. I am well aware that the LDS faith teaches that doctrine is only that said by the church leaders during conference and those four special books. But if that's the case, why is this shit spreading like wild fire? 

"It is not wrong to question things. The fact that you're asking questions shows that you're five levels of wisdom above the idiot who's objecting to you asking questions." 

Josh Tolley

Frankly, I think the Jewish faith should seek legal action to ban pork and the Buddhists should do likewise in the killing of anything living just to adversely prove that catering the law to your specific religious beliefs is bullshit. 

But it's unlikely either religion would ever consent because they successfully practice the belief of treating others fairly despite their beliefs. 

Lusting after a normal 9 to 5 so hard it's enough to make a One Direction fan look like an Irish catholic nun. 

Yeah, that's right. I watched Philomena. If I go to hell for having sex then at least I'll be in good company. Mark Twain once speculated about ending up down there so perhaps we could discuss literature in between our tortured screams of pain and regret for all our wrong doings. Plus if that means avoiding the judgmental and self righteous I wouldn't be mad about it. For the orgasms of course. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. 

I wish people would save their daily affirmations for their mirror and not Facebook. If you're a "bad emotionless bitch who don't care about the haters" and you have to constantly remind everyone, who are you really trying to convince? Obviously you have yet to convince yourself.