"Why the short blog posts, Shalese? They use to be so long!" 

Well, there were the Greeks and then there were the Trojans... As in, just like the last Trojan horse I was tricked into trusting such a contraption that ended up sending enemy soldiers into my home base.

My boyfriend and I are expecting a little baby girl in September. 

So honestly, much of my free time is spent fighting off bitter traditionalists who feel like my bare ring finger has something to do with my ability to raise a child with a man I am committed to in all sense of the word without ever requiring a visit to this Jared guy everyone keeps talking about.

Not like I need a fancy paper signed by some God and government (both of which I have a hard time believing in at times because no one knows what it is they actually do anymore) to show that I am capable of raising a child. No more than an individual with an oriental last name can prove he's good at math. 

"I'm almost convinced, with how hard you're staring, that an engagement ring is actually just going to appear on my finger! After you're done, you should try my ears. I prefer studs. And remember, I don't like diamonds unless they're black."

Driverless cars don't kill people! Cars kill people!

Doesn't make sense? Yeah well, neither does the original. 

I feel like refusing refuge to immigrant children is inhumane at BEST. 

At worse, it's a testament to the "white man's" long-running, convoluted feelings of superiority and elitism regarding all other races and cultures. 

When America worked over the first European settlers, it was the Native Americans who made sure it was possible for the Puritan way of life to exist outside of Europe. Their humanitarian efforts were met with fake treaties, smallpox epidemics, and the stripping away of their identity in the hopes that they could be converted to Christianity. Now, they struggle to keep their culture and traditions alive while living in poverty on lands given to them by the oh so generous government (is giving someone land that's technically theirs actually generous though? They had first dibs, yo.) 

Even before the Puritans, Europeans were touching down in lands close to ours and wreaking havoc to what was a wealthy, thriving culture (Cortez in Central America anyone?) 

And the hell we put African Americans through? We basically told them they weren't even completely human, and that we were above them. Then forced them to come to our land and work for us. 

It's like we've swirled around our fingers in everyone else's pies while our own is under high security, guarded by red necks with assault rifles and beer bellies who like to pass the time by shooting at Pepsi cans. 

I understand the argument, "but then we'd have to champion humanitarian campaigns for all struggling children." For awhile there I was hung up on such a refute because it's true. Why these children? But you want to know why? Because they're asking for help, damn it. Nowhere else is singing the praise of America and I bet if you started reading international news outlets you'd see foreign countries don't hold us in high respect anyways and would likely prefer we stay out. 

But not these children. They are knocking at our door, asking for help. Isn't there some analogy about Jesus knocking on a door without a knob, asking to be let in? Think about it. 

I don't even think I'd watch a show about Sarah Palin if she were the one paying me!

Unless maybe of course I got the chance to see Russia. 

I encourage those of us using the "baited" blog post to come up with something that's actually creative. It's a trending movement that has become a sell-out for tacky cheesers. 

"I'm married... But I'm also dating someone." (Surprise it's my wife!) 

"I watched my daughters birth and I no longer believe in God." (Now I know God!) 

I quit giving in to baited blog posts after that ... But I'm sure the one about the parent who doesn't encourage her children to share is just titillating. 

When did Facebook become a outlet for holding people accountable? I feel like I have to watch everything I do just so some bitch isn't complaining about it on her Facebook. 

"Oh my god, so this girl was laughing so loud...." 

"Honestly, who fills in their eyebrows like that?" 

"You'll never guess what this idiot said..." 

"Watch your children! Damn!" 

Has Honey Boo Boo turned us into a generation that enjoys hearing about stupid people's faults and mistakes? Shit people ... Have some sympathy maybe? We have all had our fair share of bad eyebrow days... Or is that just me? 

If we looked around and took note of all the stereotypes and slurs involving political parties, we would see why politics get away with half the shit they do. 

Don't like the government right now? Then quit wasting your energy on all your witty comebacks against those "dirty liberals" and "bigot conservatives" on Facebook and do something that will actually result in change. 

Life is too short to take yourself seriously. There's so many things nowadays that can kill us so we might as well not let stress be one of them. 

So laugh at fart jokes, be loud in public, pee yourself while drunk at least once, grab your lovers ass despite who's around, and laugh off the fact your roommate heard you having wild sex on your 21st birthday. 

Once More, With Feeling

If you say you don't want people to have sex on your dime, are you aware that Viagra is completely paid for by insurance? Or is that not the real issue here ... Not to mention everything else we don't have a choice in paying for ... like war. That's kind of how taxes work. 

If you say women should not be having sex, are you aware birth control also helps with acne, hormone imbalances, heavy menstrual flow, painful menstrual cramps, irregular or non-existing menstrual cycles, and never ending menstrual periods due to iron deficiencies? Or is that not the real problem here.. Not to mention no one ever questions men having sex. Ever. 

If you don't want women in control of when they choose to start a family due to your religious beliefs, then I guess that's cool. Nothing like giving and supporting men in their ability to impregnate whomever they want, willing or not willing, ready or not ready, while simultaneously forcing women to carry out their pregnancy like a scarlet letter in a country that provides mediocre benefits at best to pregnant women (the United States is the only industrialized country to deny women paid maternity leave as well as expecting them to squeeze out a watermelon through something the size of a lemon and be to work in six weeks). Good for you. 

Vocabulary Corner

Do you ever read the news and find yourself thinking, "what does that mean?" Well, look no further! Here we will discuss five simple vocabulary words that will help you get through those tricky news article! Let's begin! 

Obama: (n) the current and first African American president of the United States; Secret love child of communism and Islam; SATAN 

Liberal: (n) a term used to describe a democrat; a curse word that is not polite but proves you really know your stuff when used in the company of Conservatives; SATAN 

Planned Parenthood: (n) a health center meant to screen for breast cancer, teach safe sex, provide people with condoms and birth control at a discounted price, and provide medical visits at a discounted price; MURDERERS; SATAN 

Birth Control: (n) a prescription given to women to assist in family planning, control ovarian cysts, regulate menstrual cycles, control cramping and heavy flow, and regulate hormones which can benefit those with acne; A METHOD USED BY SLUTTY SLUT WOMEN TO HAVE ALL THE NASTY SEX THEY WANT; SATAN 

Guns: (n) a firearm used for hunting and self defense; NO WAY DID SHE MENTION GUNS? I BET THAT MEANS SHE WANTS TO TAKE THEM AWAY FROM US! DIRTY OBAMA LOVING LIBERAL SLUT! 

Now you can go out into the world and understand what these people are really saying. Carry on. 

Passing judgement is like dancing in quick sand. You begin assuming you've taken the lead due to your feelings of superiority when really you're sinking just as fast. 

If you're fighting a "peaceful" revolution against judgement and anger using judgement and anger, what are you really accomplishing? 

Why is it that corporations are given more rights as people than actual people? 

If Your Hobby Includes Sex, You're Screwed

I didn't step aside when the Saints were accused of getting paid to injure other players, or when Drew Brees pitched a rightful fit when he didn't get paid enough. And I'm certainly not going to falter in my support for the Supreme Court when they make a decision I don't agree with. I've been quoted to say time and time again that they make the decisions we don't want to or don't have the enlightenment to make for ourselves. Given their past decisions regarding human rights, I won't say I wasn't surprised. But you won't see me resorting to play ground tactics to express my disagreement. 

I do not envy the role the Supreme Court has to play in society. I can say with a certainty that my shoulders could not bear the weight of a black robe (and my horrible grade in Biology due to my limited attention span regarding classes that feel unnecessary would make law school almost impossible). We all think we know what is right for America, but if some of us can't even get out and vote, I highly doubt we could make such difficult life altering decisions. There is obviously heavy disagreement within the court itself regarding this issue, and I don't think the fault lies entirely in the hands of the Supreme Court anyways. 

I don't think America was ready to handle this issue quite yet. Of course, that isn't the goal the Supreme Court has in mind when they make their decisions (did you see Idaho when same-sex marriage made headway? They were definitely not ready for that.) but allow me to explain myself further. 

This may be the 21st century but women's rights has stalled somewhere within the 18th. The biggest argument against birth control right now seems to be, "I shouldn't have to pay for your naughty sex games, you slutty slut slut. That's what you do on your dime, not mine." But often times when an argument has no validity, it won't hold up when viewed in another light. So if people are squeamish about what goes on in the bedroom because Jesus said it was bad, why is their no issue regarding Viagra and other erectile dysfunction drugs? Their ONLY purpose is so that men can bump uglies after only twenty or so minutes of popping that purple pill. Obviously the issue doesn't stop at being a prude if men can have sex all they want while women having sex is an infringment upon religious rights. 

Let's examine the issue further by looking at what birth control also does. While Viagra may serve one single purpose, birth control serves many. While controlling birth may be the obvious one, it also controls heavy flow, iron deficiencies (which results in a never ending period if let undiagnosed), heavy cramping, irregular cycles or no cycle at all, and ovarian cysts which hurt like hell and can cause health complications when they burst, quite like your appendix. People seem to turn a convenient blind eye to these issues that can be life altering and life threatening if left to their own devices. But again, an invalid argument has a snowballs chance in hell when held up in a different light. 

So what's the difference? Is it merely because women have had to fight so hard for rights that men enjoy every day? Is if because we are not actually squeamish when it comes to sex and actually want to equip men with a stronger gun so it can result in tons and tons of babies? Why the obsession with having babies, when women who aren't ready are less likely to be able to provide for their children than those who have waited until they could endure loads of doctors bills and poopy baby bums. I'd rather give women the means to wait until they are ready instead of carrying out their pregnancy like a scarlet letter and falling under of the struggle of being a parent. 

So remember, enough with the stupid memes and name calling when it comes to the Supreme Court. The fault isn't entirely theirs and is obviously an issue humankind has fought since the beginning. When it comes to womens rights, we still have a long way to go. So offer your positive support to those who are trying to make a change and support. If you teach women they shouldn't enjoy sex, they will likely fake it, and you might end up popping that Viagra since you're embarrassed by your incompetency. Good luck with that boner that lasts longer than three hours! 

When did it become so cool to hate things? If you've got time to hate on things like the shape of someone's eyebrows, a cell phone brand, someone's religion or lifestyle, or the way someone is parking their car then perhaps it's time to find a hobby.