I know I said I'd be writing everyday. I started out the gate with a running head start and had the intention of keeping the ball rolling. I loved the release of a constant free write and felt like I had enough fuel to burn a constant blogging fire.
..... and then I fell.
I took one wrong step and tripped over my confidence and self-esteem. A week was spent weeping in the shower and never making it through a sad song without tears connecting the freckles on my face. It was like an extreme emotional writers block. I didn't want to sit down and talk to you for fear of what I might say. Life was just.. really hard.
What would the good moments be without the bad? If you sat at the table, eating chocolate cake everyday, wouldn't you grow to hate chocolate cake? Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. It doesn't have to be. We unbox the emotional distress in our minds and pack it away on bookshelves. Whenever you life grows still and calm, you can pull a book down from your bookshelf, shuffle through the pages, remind yourself of the pain you felt, and then move on. Taking a look at where you were you are able to see where you're going. Life is always moving and we can either drag our feet or dance our way there.
I got tired of school, work, repeat, sleep when possible. My life felt so small. It wasn't going anywhere. I lost track of my guiding star. But it's that reclaiming of ourselves that makes us stronger. With a renewed sense of direction, I can keep going. Moving. Growing. Sometimes as we fly, the current blows through our wings and we veer off course. But when we come back, our wings are strong. Beautiful. Life is grooming us for something big! Don't lose hope. I know it's hard. Hell, it's so hard sometimes. But it's worth it. When I see my friends and my family, I know life is worth it and I can keep moving. Carry on.... my wayward son ;) (needless to say there's nothing to a good pick me up than the super foxy Winchester Brothers.)
So, with much ado, I owe you a story.
Jennifer
Standing in the corner of the pasture, Howard hung his head. The tears he had been holding back were causing his eyes to burn. Standing out there with the horses, however, he could be nothing but strong. At the first sign of distress, they would mock and bully him. For, you see, Howard was just a mule. He was strong and determined, but no one could see it because he was different. He tried to hide his pain but sometimes it was like an overwhelming change of the tides. His feathery eyelashes blinked away most of his tears, but a few still landed on the dirt below him.
"Please, please... help me," he whispered in his heart. "Why am I different? Why have I been given the burden of being different? Try as I might to bear this gift with flying colors it only seems to be dragging me down. Can't I prance around like the others?"
The silence after his plea cut through the last of his determination like a knife. He sank to the floor, giving in to the tears he had been holding off all day. He heard the horses in the pasture call to him, asking for his participation in their daily games. Knowing he never won anyway, he didn't have the heart to take part in them today. Listening to their fun and games, he drifted in to sleep.
"Howard."
"Dear Howard, please wake up."
Howard blinked the sleep out of his eyes as he woke up. Judging by the silence everyone must have gone to bed. It had to be the middle of the night. As he raised his head, he saw a beautiful woman in a sparkling teal dress with long brown hair.
"I heard your call Howard. I wanted so badly to come to you but I knew it wasn't the right time. No one can fix your problems for you. If I came to rescue you, you would forever be stunted in your growth. I had to wait until you tried, sincerely tried, and understood your worth and your potential."
Howard rose to his feet, the roughness that comes from day-old tears leaving his eyes. He stared at this beautiful woman, taking in what she had just said.
"I've come to help you," she whispered. "You are not alone. You are never alone. I've come to give you a gift."
"Are you going to make me into a horse," Howard asked eagerly.
"Is that what you want Howard? To be a horse? To be like everyone else? After living a life as someone different, do you wish to be made like everyone else? Because I can do that for you if that's what you want."
Howard thought about this. Thought and thought. "Well, I've... I've never thought about it like that. Had you asked me before, I would have said yes with no hesitation. I wanted nothing more than to be like everyone else. But the thought of giving in to everyone else makes me sad. A life of uniformity? A life of frivolous games? I don't think I want that...."
Jennifer smiled. That was her name. Jennifer the Fairy, granting wishes and offering friendship. "I had rather hoped you would say that, for I have something grand planned for you. Something like nothing ever done or seen before. Would you like that?"
Howard smiled. "Yes I would very much like that."
Jennifer waved her hand over Howard's head, sprinkling a bit of glitter upon the white spot between his eyes. A bright glow began and to fill the pasture and Howard felt strange, as if someone was tickling their fingers up and down his spine.
As the bright light began to diminish, Jennifer gave filled the pasture with the sounds of happy, tinkling laughter. "Oh that went better than I expected! You are handsome Howard! A picture of strength and beauty." She clapped her hands in delight.
At this sound, the horses had begun to stir from their slumber. They began to head towards the corner from where the light had come from. Half asleep, the startled wide awake at the sight of Howard. Or, rather, what they thought was Howard.
"Howard, is that you?"
"What happened?"
"Who's the girl?"
Howard had grown tall, lean, and beautiful. He had the rippling muscles of the strongest stallion. His coat was pure white, umblemished and perfect. His mane was long, shiny, and perfect. And between his eyes was the most beautiful horn anyone had ever seen. He kicked out his hind legs and tossed his head in pure joy. All the other horses looked on at him with awe and bewilderment.
"You're a unicorn Howard! Oh boy, a unicorn. You will forever be different in a way no one will ever know," cried Jennifer.
"Perfect," Howard said.
"Just perfect."
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